This year will be really hard to say good-bye to. I don’t normally get attached to years, per se, but this one holds so many memories, both great and agonizing and I will look back on 2007 and say that’s the year my life really started.

If I could sum it all up in one word it would be redemption. I had demons that followed me for years, past hurts and mistakes that on my own I could not shake. But the Lord sought after me tirelessly, loved on me, accepted me, and best of all redeemed me. I no longer walk around characterized by my wounds, nor do I identify myself with my faults. I am a new creature in Christ. I can proclaim with David that he lifted me out of the muddy pit and put a new song in my mouth. He took this empty shell of a woman and filled her with his peace and strength and love, with so much more on the way. This didn’t happen quickly, and there were times I wanted everything to stay the same because it was hurting too much. But faith without suffering does not exist, and even when life hit the skids I was reminded of Philippians 1:6, “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

If I could sum up something that I’ve learned this year is that God is good. He is so good. Even thinking on his goodness it’s hard for me not to fall on my face and thank him for this. I know that I am nothing without Him. Life sucks sometimes and I can’t imagine not having a God to cling to when things are just rotten. I have never felt peace in so many storms than when I know the Lord, God above all gods is braving them with me. That the creator of all things swoops down to find me in my time of need, and love on me, provide for me, rescue me, and restore me.

I don’t normally use this blog as a platform for these kinds of posts, but today I simply want to proclaim what the Lord has done for me and praise him for his goodness. I never thought people could change, that you could try to act differently but at your core you are still the same. But now I know that is not true. I get to look in the mirror everyday and realize that I am changed. God changes people. God changed me. He saw something in me and through the tireless and continual prayers of others, and of his own pure and jealous love for me sought after me and redeemed me.

I’ve gotten to see God in many forms in my life - Jehovah Jireh, my Provider; Jehovah Machsi, my Refuge; Jehovah Rohi, my Shepherd; and now, Jehovah Gaal, my Redeemer. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for redeeming me. My heart and my life will be forever thankful.

May 2008 bless you as much as 2007. Have a safe and wonderful New Year!

About a few days before Christmas, I always get sad that it will be over so soon. Even the years that are stressful beyond belief a part of me gets blue on the 23rd when in two days it will all be over for another eleven months. But somehow, no matter how good or bad that year was, on the 26th I wake up and realize just how ready I am for it to all be over. Scroogish? Maybe. I just know next year boasts so many great things that will be happening for us (some sooner rather than later) and I just want to get to them already. But I did have an amazing holiday this year. Each year I simplify Christmas more and more and this year I know it was so wonderful b/c of that. If you haven’t done this already, I highly recommend it (and it won’t feel “less Christmasy” b/c of it - pinky swear).

Conner made out like a bandit again, and Tim and I realized that it’s good for him to have a sibling. Right now he is the first grandchild on my side, first great grandchild, first nephew, great nephew, second cousin, everything. He walks into a family gathering and for the next few hours he is smothered and accosted by everyone. He loves it, and we are so thankful that Conner is loved so much, but it does make you wonder how he’d turn out with all that attention and being the only one to soak it up.

The gifts were plentiful for him and the funny thing is he has played with everything and continues to do so. He just flits from toy to puzzle to toy to book all day. My favorite toy to play with him is his remote control car b/c, come on, they’re just fun. And he loves his little bowling set (ball + knocking things over = fun for any male). We had so much fun with him on Christmas morning helping him discover his new toys and showing him how to use them. Of course, there were also 20 new balls that were introduced to our already ridiculous surplus, so thank you everyone who decided he needs more balls. Really(is my sarcasm being detected?).

Tim and I exchanged our gifts early, again (b/c we just can not wait we get so excited), and he is now the proud owner of an xBox 360 (the end result of all those clutches I’ve been laboring over the last few months) and I received a beautiful pair of diamond stud earrings (the end result of Tim’s hard work and saving). Both of us were so shocked over our gifts, but it was fun to really have no idea what you were getting, and knowing your spouse has no clue either.

My in-laws came in for the holiday and it was so great having them here. I won’t say, again, how much I want them to move here (Karen, do you understand how much we want this? Just in case the millionth time I’ve said it isn’t enough), but it would be so amazing. Having both sets of grandparents who love them and want nothing more than to love them is one of the best gifts your kids can have. It’s always fun watching Conner with our parents and getting to see them revert back to this child-like state is so sweet. Papa bought Conner a bat and ball set which was well received - I don’t know what people mean when they say we are grooming him to play baseball.

He likes the high ones, just like his mama.

But the funniest gift he was given was by my parents and that was Conner’s very own Barka lounger. I mean really, every man should have one.

So now that the season has come and is almost gone, it’s time to box up the Christmas stuff and get ready to bring in 2008. I truly hope your holiday was wonderful and fun and relaxing and full of memories.

May your days be filled with these.

I could’ve told you a year and a half ago that Conner would be a child who would have trouble focusing. Even now, when you can get his attention, you have about 3.87 seconds to keep it or the moment is over and he’s run off to find something else to entertain himself. I knew this could pose a problem when it came time for the educational elements of toddlerhood, but just like so many times before he amazed me and left me speechless.

Because you can’t make him sit down and learn, I look for opportunities to teach Conner while we are playing. We play with yellow and red balls, build with blue and green blocks and count the stairs every time we go up them. A few weeks ago when we would count, certain numbers would stand out to him, mainly 4, 6 and 8 (OCD maybe?) and he would shout those each time we got to them. Some days you feel like you say the same things and go over the same colors over and over and it never sinks in and you just wait for that day when it does.

Every night after Conner’s bath we do a review of the day, and then I follow his lead on whatever he wants to talk about. Sometimes it’s the birds painted on the walls, and sometimes it’s mama’s eyes, nose and mouth. Last night, with no prompting of my own he grabs his feet and starts counting his toes: “Wuh…Two…Free…Four…” I was excited but then he kept on, “Figh…Sis…Sen…Eight…” I felt my smile get so big as he finished, “Nigh…TEN!” I could not believe my ears. I sat there speechless and then exclaimed, “MY BOY’S A GENIUS!” It was so amazing, it’s so hard to put it into words. To hear your baby boy counting on his own for the first time…I seriously sat there in disbelief. And it wasn’t just the feeling of, “Finally! He gets it!” that washed over me, but just utter and complete joy. Watching your child learn and interact more with their world is always exciting, but something about that…it was so amazing. Definitely one of those moments that I never ever want to forget.

I used to go into full-on countdown mode the week before Christmas. To me that was always the best part of the holiday, the week leading up to the big day and the anticipation of it all. Conner is still too small to understand this crazy side of mom (among many others), but next year he’ll have a better grasp of Christmas and why it makes me run circles in the living room.

Busy things going on here at the manor. Tim and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary this weekend. Woot woot! Five years - it seems like a long time and yet it doesn’t. We already know a handful of friends who didn’t make it that far in their wedded bliss, so we know that five years is a great milestone. We’ve been through a lot since we’ve been married, but I think this year was probably the most trying. We’ve both gotten to see each other at the most broken places of our lives so far, but from those places we picked each other up, grown in grace and wisdom, and seen awesome things come out of it. Some of the most amazing things I’ve ever accomplished I did so with Tim, or had him cheering me on from the sidelines. Tim, you’ve made this crazy life not only bearable, but I wouldn’t want it without you in it. I love you so stinkin’ much.

So how does one celebrate their fifth wedding anniversary? Send the man-child to the grandparents for the weekend and live it up pre-kiddo’s style! My mom and dad graciously offered to watch Conner for the weekend (read that: two! nights!), and Tim and I jetted away to a bed and breakfast at a charming nearby city, and had so much fun. First of all, a new requirement for our next house is a two-person jacuzzi. Never mind the romantic nature of such an invention, but you can submerge your whole body in this so easily and even swim a few laps - it’s huge! We wasted a lot of water in that thing. Charlottesville can be on the yuppy side, but it’s still super charming and tons of artsy stuff to do. Too bad it was in the 30’s and fuh-reeeee-zing, so enjoying anything outdoors wasn’t enjoying at all. But we did a little shopping, did a lot of eating, and did even more cuddling. I missed Conner like crazy, but it was so great to not have the distraction and to remember what it’s like to have a lot of time to just be together.

I keep saying I feel like this is my favorite Christmas so far, and while I do still feel that way, I’m feeling the crunch to get everything done. I usually go all-out with the baking but have really scaled it down this year, mainly b/c I want to keep enjoying the holiday. But my craft table is piling up with half-finished projects and sketches of projects that I have only a week to get done and I’m starting to get a little anxious. Some of them I would love to share pictures, but unfortunately I can not since many of the receivers read my blog. So now I must go be a busy elf, but first I kick my feet up and enjoy a nice chai latte because the boy is sleeping. I will surely miss nap time when he does away with them for good.

It’s 8:22 pm and I just realized I never posted the winner of the snowflake clutch! Please forgive me - I think it was somewhere between dropping balsamic vinaigrette down the front of my shirt and Conner laying face down in the checkout line of Target, sobbing because I wouldn’t buy him another ball that I forgot all about it. But have no fear, I remembered and Tim picked the lucky winner who is Amanda - yay Amanda! I already have your addy so I’ll get that in the mail to you a.s.a.p.!

So remember about a month ago when I was crying the blues about losing my beautiful diamond ring?

What’s that on my hand? Is it a new one? NO! It’s the same one - I found it this afternoon, randomly of course, but it couldn’t have come at a better time. I was still holding out hope that I would find it in the process of moving, but I was getting a bag out of the cupboards and I saw it and it didn’t register at first that it was the ring, but then it clicked, and I began screaming, “OHMYGOSH MY RING!” Which doesn’t sound too weird, except I was on the phone with Tim, mid-sentence on something else, so I’m sure he had to pull the receiver away from his ear a bit. I still can’t believe it. And I even had a dream about a week ago that I found it and I woke up with that just-woke-up elation, where whatever happened in the dream you really think happened, only to realize CRAP it was a dream. And as the day wore on I went into a tailspin of stress, so this was just the best thing to happen today.

Things here are chugging along rather smooth lately (at least where the holidays are concerned). It’s so amazing to me at how much energy it takes to force yourself to slow down. This time of year always boasts of business, hustling and bustling, but after making myself not do the crazed holiday thing, I think this Christmas season is my favorite so far. Of course my day does come to a screeching halt around 5:30 pm when my evening sickness rares it’s ugliness. Just a few more short weeks before the promises of the second trimester, right?

I wanted to get one more batch of clutches in the shop for Christmas before I take a break for a little bit, which will relieve a little stress (and time, also) to finish up other holiday gifts. It was interesting trying to come up with an idea that wasn’t too Christmas-y. So they’re a little more understated, but just as pretty I think, and emphasize something that I love about Christmastime - twinkly, shiny things!

I really can’t decide which I like better - the snowflakes, or the wintry trees. I actually love the blue ones, even tho they’re hard to see - they have that wintry, icy look to them, despite what the photo’s do not convey. You can find them here if you’re interested in purchasing one. And b/c I’ve mentioned it twice so far in the last month or so, I’m giving away a clutch (it’s a blue snowflake one like the one here), so if you want to take a stab at taking her home, just leave your name and your email in the comments and answer the following question and I’ll pull a name Thursday: What was the best gift you ever received for the holidays?

Don’t you think? It was hard getting a picture since they wouldn’t stop squirming, but the movement slowed just a bit so the doctor could snap this shot. Look - I even labeled the parts for you so you know just what the heck you’re looking at. I’m also farther along than the calendar says (which I knew since I got a positive prego test way early), so s/he is measuring 6 days ahead. So between that, and the fact that Conner came early, this kiddo may make an earlier appearance than expected (which as it stands is July 5th). It’s always so surreal to see them on the screen, whether it’s the first ultrasound or the last, but I couldn’t stop squealing. Waiting to see the doctor for 50 minutes, and having my peesh poked and prodded was made up for when he turned the u/s machine on and there was our lil’ baby. Besides the physical this pregnancy has brought, it was great to finally get a look at who was (happily) causing all of my grievances.

I do have to say that I am eating my words already about when I would start showing. I always thought moms were just using the second-time-around as an excuse to jump back into the incredibly comfortable maternity pants a.s.a.p., but I’m realize how wrong I really was. Up until two weeks ago I was still in my skinny jeans, and I don’t say this to have people throw trash at me, but I had a pretty flat stomach still. I just knew I’d make it to the 13th or 14th week before even I could tell I was pregnant. But then last week I started to notice a bit of a change…and then literally this weekend I swear I woke up Saturday and my belly was so firm, and was making itself known. Some of my friends have contested this, doing the ol’ “Oh, but you look so great!” (which, don’t get me wrong, I EAT IT UP), but you know your body and you know how your body looks and feels, and this my friend is the first evidence that my body is being taken over and I am just the host.

The only complaint that I really have about pregnancy this time around isn’t the exhaustion and it isn’t the unpredictability in nausea, but it’s the acne. Ohmygosh I feel like a 15-year-old again, that started with one little bugger who then invited all his friends and every morning a new one is added to the mix. And, ugh, this morning there was one of those super painful ones that feels like it’s rooted in the bone and you know it packed it’s winter and summer clothes b/c it’s going to hang around for. freaking. ever. So gross. I was going to take a picture of it, but c’mon - who really wants to see that?

Tim has taught Conner how to take his clothes off (mainly in preparation for a bath in the evenings), but as you can see, he does this any chance he gets.

I’m still trying to figure out how he did this one. And he’s so stinking fast at it. One minute you’re reaching for a can of corn at the grocery store, and you turn back around and your toddler has his arm poking out of the neck hole. Or you take your dishes to the kitchen and return to the living room to find your toddler standing with his pants in one hand, diaper in the other, and peeing on the hardwood floor.

That’s all for today, folks. We got our first sprinkling of snow and I got a smidge giddy watching it fall. I would love to have some snow before Christmas - it’s just so festive. But this is Virginia after all, and it doesn’t know what time of year it is half the time, so I just cross my fingers and enjoy what we do get. Hope your staying warm wherever you are!