I knew that having a toddler would mean I would get to use a lot of band-aids and kiss a lot of booboo’s, but sometimes you have to deal with a little more than superficial wounds. Conner has recently given me a few scares that have caused a few wrinkles to pop out, but also a thankful heart to be opened up.
A few weeks back we were eating lunch with a friend, and he began to choke on a pretzel. I remember from my CPR class (that I took many, many moons ago) that as long as they are coughing, it meant air was getting in and out and you shouldn’t smack them on the back or help them physically. But Conner began to get panicked as he couldn’t catch his breath and then in an instant he went from red-faced to completely purple and not able to breathe. Have you ever seen your child full-out choking? Did it scare the crap out of you? It should. It was terrifying. I jumped out of my chair and began the heimlich, which on the second attempt caused his food to dislodge and he vomitted on the table. As he sobbed into my chest for a good bit it didn’t hit me until later what had happened, and then as my baby took a nap in his crib, I sat and sobbed outside his bedroom door.
Today while at a friends house, we were sitting in the kitchen and Conner fell against a door and popped it open (that I thought was just the pantry) and began to fall backwards down the basement steps. It took a minute for me to realize what was going on, but as I kept hearing the thud of each step he hit, I began to panic. He was okay - just scared out of his mind - and as I checked him over he began to calm down and I breathed a sigh of relief that there would be no lasting effects except a fear of that particular doorway. Within a few minutes he was laughing and playing again, totally unphased by what had happened. It wasn’t until a few hours later as I was praising Jesus that he was okay, that those horrible “what if’s” crept into my mind, and then I couldn’t stop crying.
The thing that is sobering in both of these instances is they were complete accidents - I wasn’t in another room not watching him or not paying attention, both times I was siting right there with him and it just happened. And it happened so fast. Today was probably the worst of the two situations and as I sat there sobbing over the what-if’s, I kept thinking that just as fast as it happened, I could’ve lost him just like that. One minute I’m laughing and talking with a friend, the next my child is gone.
As Tim was giving Conner his bath tonight, they were laughing and talking and Conner kept laughing this laugh that only Tim can get him to do. And my eyes welled up with tears at the thought of never getting to hear that laugh again. Life is so short and it’s so precious and it can change in the blink of an eye. It made me thank God so much for protecting Conner, in these instances and even the ones that don’t seem so threatening, and also send up a prayer for any mother who has ever lost a child. Our time on this earth is so limited - enjoy your babies, hug them, kiss them and tell them you love them everyday. You’ll never regret that you did.
Kacey says:
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately after hearing about other little ones who are sick or who have died. Nothing like the two incidents Conner had has happened to either of mine, but occasionally I think back on something that could’ve turned out differently and think, What if…? Thanks for the reminder of how precious life is.
So glad Conner’s ok. I can just imagine how scary those incidents were.
May 28th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
Moriah @ Please Pass the Salt says:
I know very well about crying over the what-ifs. Madeline was a wandering 18 mo. old… I found her one day across the street and down a ways - she’d toddled out the front door, down our steep driveway, and across our slightly-busy street. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. And then at Thanksgiving that year we thought we lost her in the grounds of our friends’ sort-of-country house, twice. She was hard to keep an eye on.
Drew (who’s older) has given me quite a few scares, mostly from tumbling down after trying to pull crazy boy stunts.
Thankfully so far, Adelaide has been the calmest and least daring of the three. Whew.
May 28th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Elizabeth says:
Never can get enough of those kisses, you’re right. Thanks for sharing this.
May 28th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
AmyG says:
I’m so glad Conner is OK from both of those instances! When Emily was 2 1/2 years old, someone hit my car from the passengers side. Michael was in the front passenger seat & Emily was in her car seat in the back seat. If we had been just a few inches further, she would’ve hit both Michael & Emily. I was driving a small, 2 door GEO Metro at the time. Emily let out a blood curdling scream that I will never forget! I couldn’t stop thinking about the “What If’s”. She had bruises from the carseat straps that lasted for over a week. Every time I would see them, I would burst into tears. It took me a long time to get over that.
May 29th, 2008 at 4:49 am
Jodi says:
Wow. Now you’ve got me crying. Thanks for that reminder. They are so precious, you’re right!
May 29th, 2008 at 5:38 am
oh amanda says:
I’ve got tears in my eyes, Candace! I haven’t had any big scares like that. But I still get those feelings some time…her childhood is fleeting enough…
Thanks for the great post.
May 29th, 2008 at 5:44 am
bee says:
Bless your heart! I know both of those were very scary times for you. I have had similar scares, the closest being his two seizures. Even the second one, when I knew it was “normal”, I tried to do what the doctor had suggested from the time before, but the waiting and watching were just too much for me. I immediately started having thoughts of “what if the doctors got it wrong… what if this is it?” Woggie seems to bounce right back, but it takes me days to recover. Sometimes, when he’s being especially challenging or when I’m being especially hormonal, I have to conjure up those feelings just to remind myself that I’m not promised forever.
All that to say this… I feel you, girl! Thank you for the wonderful reminder.
Oh, and I’m getting my hiney signed up for an infant CPR class ASAP!
May 29th, 2008 at 7:58 am
Melany says:
That is just so scary. Unfortunately I have been there done that with full on choking as well. It’s something you do NOT want to see your child go through.
My kids are my life. The reason I breath. I miss them when they are at school. I make sure they know this EVERY day. All day. I cannot imagine my life without them and don’t want to either.
SO glad that Connor is okay
May 29th, 2008 at 11:42 am
danielle says:
That one made me cry. I can totally relate. Something about dealing with my own child choking, I get too nervous. I freak and call for the hubby. Thank god you held it together.
May 29th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Amy says:
I’m so glad he’s ok!!! Thank the Lord!! love you guys!
May 29th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
Holli says:
Were you giving the Heimlich with a big pregnant belly? That was my first visualization…had to ask. I know these moments are to come, especially with having a boy who’s Daddy has a reputation for being somewhat on the rambunctious side. We had a scare the day that Xan got his shots, i just blogged about that actually, and it was a very sobering moment to realize just how fragile these little lives are.
May 29th, 2008 at 8:12 pm