Four weeks down and I’m pretty sure my sanity is still intact. I bet Tim would begged to differ, but being a mom of two is sooooo different than I thought it would be. I have to say I seriously underestimated a lot of it and overestimated how much I could handle.

This past week I had my check-up with my doctor and after giving me the a-okay to resume life pre-baby-style, we said our sad goodbyes. He asked if he would see me again in the future to which I replied, “Hopefully just at the grocery store!” but the truth is I have no idea - Tim and I go back and forth on whether or not we will venture down this road for a third time and it really depends on the kind of day we’re all having. When Max coo’s and smiles at me it’s yes, I want another, absolutely. At 3 am when Max has sucked me dry and is wide awake for the next hour and a half it’s a resounding hells-no. I do love my boys and am thankful that at the age of twenty-seven I do not have to make that call yet, but when I do I hope I am ready for whatever we decide.

Now onto one of the reasons why having two children is more than you bargained for - getting out of the house. It is such a production! Seriously. Monday we were all just sitting around staring at each other so me and the boys decided to take a trip to the local play park. Not such a big deal - one would sleep the entire time and the other would exert some pent-up energy and I could sit and just be for a little bit. Which is exactly how it went once we got to the park. Getting out the door was quite the opposite and was an amazing spectacle of strength and dexterity on my part, which went a little something like this: take a shower, nurse Max, put on lotion and start putting makeup on, change Conner’s diaper, change Max’s diaper, pick up mascara wand only to put it down to give an unhappy Max a cuddle, nurse Max, change Max’s diaper, again, put clothes on both boys, finish makeup, throw on some clothes that didn’t have spit-up on them, get boys downstairs, pack the diaper bag, give Max a bottle (the boy tanks up in the morning), pick up bag, infant carrier and corale everyone out the door, bring everyone back inside and put everything down when I forgot something upstairs, come back downstairs, re-gather everything and everyone, load everything and everyone into the van, sit in the drivers seat to catch my breath. And I am sure I missed something in the retelling. It felt like some sort of circus act. And taking both of them somewhere by myself still incites a little anxiety, like when I went to the grocery the next day with them, by myself. We’re not talking run-in-and-grab-a-few-things grocery run. It was full-out Walmart need-every-thing-but-the-kitchen-sink grocery run. It was not pretty and I am 99% sure my pits sweat the entire time we were there, but we did it. It only took two hours and three meltdowns (one of which may or not have been mine) but we did it.

So that’s all I got. I miss the blogging and the blog-reading, but if I get to brush my teeth at least once in the course of a 24-hour period, then it’s been a great day. Even tho the adjustment has been difficult and at times I feel so isolated from people and situations that it takes every ounce of me not to scream in frustration, I know it’s only a short time. It’ll seem like I only blinked and Max will be Conner’s age now and I’ll wonder why I moaned and groaned about how difficult it was in the beginning. So thanks to those who are still checking in. I hope to be “back at it” soon with all kinds of fun and ca-razy stuff. Here is Conner and Chloe on what appeared to be a study date, but turned into a little less study and a little more date. Gotta keep our eyes on those two!

Two weeks since my last post - yipes! I definitely need a few more hands and a lot more hours in the day now that our family has expanded. Again I must emphasize how much respect I have for moms who work - seriously, how do you do it?? Anyways, it’s been two weeks that Tim and I have been on our own with the boys and man oh man do my kids know how to break me in! My in-laws left last Sunday morning and wouldn’t you know the next day would be the roughest we’d had so far. Not so much with me with not having enough arms and hands to spread between two children (although that would’ve been extremely helpful), but Max hit a growth spurt that also made him not want to nap which then made him entirely too cranky so for two days I got to nurse him a gillion times, watch him cry and get all kinds of frustrated and hold him all day, both days. Poor Conner - by Tuesday evening he’d had enough and kept telling me to put Max down and as soon as I would, he would start winding up again. This is by far the hardest part of going from one child to two. Even though it was frustrating for Conner not having my attention, he was certainly getting all my attitude and frustration and I hated that so much. But Wednesday Max was back to being my angel baby and I could relax a little while Conner got to have more of my attention - win-win for everyone!

Max is so chill it still amazes me. But even as easy as he is, I’m learning that I just need to follow his lead and roll with whatever happens. I’m the type of personality that can be 100% committed to something and will not stray from it, which can be difficult when dealing with babies because they have an agenda all their own. There are so many things I wanted to do differently this time since I believe my ignorance and sleep-deprivation led me to make poor decisions that enslaved us to a way of life that wasn’t realistic or even healthy for our family in the long run. But even having a baby that adapts very easily to what’s already going on still leaves question marks hanging over my head because I just want to get it right this time. Demand-feeding vs schedule, crib vs co-sleeping, breast-feeding exclusively or supplementing with formula, the choices are endless and while being a second-time mom makes me more relaxed in many ways, there are still some areas that I feel like a complete idiot with and want to make the best decision for my kids. What mom doesn’t, right? So I’m just muddling along, trying to work through things and just enjoy this baby because every new struggle is more confirmation that Tim and I may be done with the having of the babies. It’s so rewarding but my goodness is it tough! Okay, enough mommy-babble, onto some pictures! This is Max’s favorite place to nap and we can’t decide if it’s because it’s so darn comfy or because it’s right in the hub-bub of the house. Either way he logs some serious hours in this thing

This boy loves to sleep and you can not wake him once he nods off. (thank you, Jesus!)

Everyday he’s more and more alert and we get to look into his beautiful blue eyes and talk all kinds of obnoxious baby-talk to him. I think he looks so much like my dad - finally my side is represented in my kids!!

Tim, why are you so excited?

Conner, what’s got you smiling so much?

Conner’s very own train set, that’s what!

Tim and I had been talking about getting Conner a big brother gift and he’s been obsessed with trains and the set they have at Barnes and Noble. Whenever we drive past it, he gets all worked up, chanting, “Choo choo, Mama, choo choo!” so we decided to make his wildest 2-year old dreams come true. But the award for “Most Excited Father for Putting Together Kid Toys” goes to Tim - he was so giggly and giddy putting that thing together and would smile so big when Conner would get excited about it. It has certainly gotten Conner’s stamp of approval and he’s played with that thing everyday, all day, for the last week. And with another little boy that’ll be hot on his heels in no time, it was a wise investment. You’re excited about it, too, right Max?

I have to end this post with a picture of Conner at two weeks and Max at two weeks. One thing that I prayed for was that Max would resemble Conner and sometimes I can’t get over how much they look alike. It’s so neat to see such similarities in your children.

Conner, 2 weeks old

Max, 2 weeks old

I thought I’d never see it. I thought it was an urban legend that there were some babies who can be awake and totally content to lay there and look around and didn’t need to be bounced, or rocked or manipulated to believe that they were happy. But that is exactly what Max is. Tim and I spend most of the time just looking at him in disbelief that this is our baby. Some of you have always had angel babies and think this may be dramatic but for those of you who haven’t you know exactly what I’m talking about. And this kid loves to sleep. Granted, he is only a week old and that’s all he knows how to do (besides eat and poop), but here is proof to myself that he does wake occasionally.

Love those blue eyes! I’m torn between wanting to look at them all day and completely enjoying all the snoozing he’s doing. Conner is quite fascinated with him as well, especially when it’s time to nurse him. But he gets to help change diapers and be on paci-patrol and it makes him feel quite special and that makes me so happy. He’s always kissing on him and wanting to hold him so these moments are pretty regular in our house.

My family has been so awesome this last week. Everyone was so concerned about my induction, even amidst the death of my grandmother (talk about me stealing the spotlight, right?) and the calls and stop-ins have been really nice. My mom was able to be in the delivery room and I was so happy to have her be a part of Max’s arrival. Thanks for not grimacing at all that you saw, mom! My fantastic and sacrificial mother in law has been in town doing everything and anything for me so I can sit on my fanny, prop my feet up and love on my boys. She leaves this weekend and we will certainly be sad to see her go, however I am anxious to see how we will function now as a family of four. Conner certainly soaks up his Nana and Papa when they’re in town, especially since Papa gets him cool toys and takes him outside to train him for his baseball career.

Today we will spend the better part of morning and afternoon outside, enjoying the holiday. Have a happy 4th!

Whew - I am the mom of two boys! It’s still so hard to believe but I am loving it already. We’re home and resting and getting acquainted to the newest member of our clan and having a great time doing so. So where to begin…I feel like time has flown by since my doctor’s appointment on Wednesday when I got the wonderful news that I was going to be induced the following morning. To say I was shocked is an understatement. But my doctor was so great and very sensitive as I sat there crying on the table, trying not to be scared. And I kept thinking how I didn’t want to tell my mom since my grandmother’s funeral would also be the following morning. I trust my doctor 110% so to have him say that this needed to be done the next day, I knew I shouldn’t even try and buy more time. So he called the hospital for me to schedule my induction and I was to report to the hospital at 7:30 am.

So what does someone do who really really doesn’t want to be induced do? You try and induce yourself! I got up at 5:30 am and walked three miles around our neighborhood, praying that I would go into labor naturally. I even threw in some squats and stretching for extra measure, but nada. So we packed up our stuff and on to the hospital we went. When we got to L&D, they got me started with the prolastaglandin gel and I hoped and prayed that would be enough, esp. since I was already dilated to a two, 60% effaced and he was stationed at a -1. But that was wishful thinking. It gave me some contractions but nothing to get excited about and Tim and I began walking around the hospital. At noon I reported back to have them check me, convinced I’d be at least a four but I was only dilated to a three. So then they broke my water, which did nothing except give me hard and fast contractions, and couple that with a few more hours of walking and you can imagine my sheer horror when at 6 pm I was still only at a three. What the what?! Those contractions were two minutes apart and they were hurting like a mother! The last shot was giving me the pitocin which I wanted to be the last resort and the desire to labor naturally was waning. My confidence had been completely leveled, and after ten hours I was so exhausted and ready to have Max no matter what it took that I also opted for the Epidural (did I just hear some of you gasp?). And can I say, IT WAS WONDERFUL! Sweet Nectar of the Gods I’ve heard it described and it’s so true. As soon as the epidural was administered, I began to have such a peace - I can’t describe it. I knew it was just the way it needed to be done this time around and not one part of me regrets doing it. After the epi began to work I was feeling so good. I mean gooooood. I got my sense of humor back, I was finally beginning to relax and not be so frustrated at the day, and most importantly it gave me the renewal I needed to get excited about meeting my little boy.

Around 9 pm the nurse checked me after being on the pitocin for two hours and I was only at a four. No biggie - I figured it would take a while so I watched some 30 Rock, joked and visited with family and planned to take a cat nap before I had to start pushing. At 10 pm the nurse came in to check me since my contractions were “getting good” and was floored when she said I was at a seven - from three to a seven after only an hour? Sweeeeet! My in laws came by to visit, which was really fun and we all joked and talked with the staff as they began to prepare my room for the delivery. At 10:30 the nurse came in to check me and said, “You’re complete. You’re at a ten.” DID SHE JUST SAY I WAS AT A TEN?! Tim and I looked at each other in complete disbelief - going from not much to “you’re ready” in just a few hours are you kidding me? She told me to do a practice push and then quickly told me to stop and paged the doctor to come in.

With Conner I pushed for fourty long and agonizing minutes. Five minutes of pushing and Max was born. As I held him on my chest I was in complete disbelief that he was actually here, and before midnight! As exhausting as the day was, the efficiency and excitement of the last hour made it all worth it.

Now the mushy part. I don’t think I can put into words how much I adore this baby. I know that’s a statement every mother makes, but I can not imagine what life would be like without him in it. Just as it did with Conner, I feel like he’s always been a part of our family. I was so worried I wouldn’t love him as much as Conner but everyone was right - you do, and while it’s different, it’s still good and amazing.

Conner gave us a crash-course into the world of raising a newborn and it took over a year for me to get over it and begin to think about having another. The last months of my pregnancy were spent begging the Lord to redeem this process for us, for I didn’t think I had it in me to do it all over again. I prayed Max would be gentle and calm, and have a peaceful disposition. I prayed he would nurse well, sleep well and on his own, and would be low-maintenance. I made no bones about being specific and laid all my fears and concerns before Him for these were the things I honestly wanted.

Within minutes of Max’s arrival I new the Lord had answered those prayers. Max has the very qualities that I had asked for: he’s gentle, calm and peaceful. I can already tell he’s going to be my strong, silent boy. He’s such a sweetheart and we are already enjoying him so much. I am excited and anxious to learn more about this little guy and know that he is already a perfect fit to our amazing family. God is so good. He is the giver of good gifts and all that Max is to me, Tim and Conner is certainly one amazing gift. I am truly humbled that the Lord has not only heard my prayers, but answered them in one of the sweetest ways possible.