I knew that having a toddler would mean I would get to use a lot of band-aids and kiss a lot of booboo’s, but sometimes you have to deal with a little more than superficial wounds. Conner has recently given me a few scares that have caused a few wrinkles to pop out, but also a thankful heart to be opened up.

A few weeks back we were eating lunch with a friend, and he began to choke on a pretzel. I remember from my CPR class (that I took many, many moons ago) that as long as they are coughing, it meant air was getting in and out and you shouldn’t smack them on the back or help them physically. But Conner began to get panicked as he couldn’t catch his breath and then in an instant he went from red-faced to completely purple and not able to breathe. Have you ever seen your child full-out choking? Did it scare the crap out of you? It should. It was terrifying. I jumped out of my chair and began the heimlich, which on the second attempt caused his food to dislodge and he vomitted on the table. As he sobbed into my chest for a good bit it didn’t hit me until later what had happened, and then as my baby took a nap in his crib, I sat and sobbed outside his bedroom door.

Today while at a friends house, we were sitting in the kitchen and Conner fell against a door and popped it open (that I thought was just the pantry) and began to fall backwards down the basement steps. It took a minute for me to realize what was going on, but as I kept hearing the thud of each step he hit, I began to panic. He was okay - just scared out of his mind - and as I checked him over he began to calm down and I breathed a sigh of relief that there would be no lasting effects except a fear of that particular doorway. Within a few minutes he was laughing and playing again, totally unphased by what had happened. It wasn’t until a few hours later as I was praising Jesus that he was okay, that those horrible “what if’s” crept into my mind, and then I couldn’t stop crying.

The thing that is sobering in both of these instances is they were complete accidents - I wasn’t in another room not watching him or not paying attention, both times I was siting right there with him and it just happened. And it happened so fast. Today was probably the worst of the two situations and as I sat there sobbing over the what-if’s, I kept thinking that just as fast as it happened, I could’ve lost him just like that. One minute I’m laughing and talking with a friend, the next my child is gone.

As Tim was giving Conner his bath tonight, they were laughing and talking and Conner kept laughing this laugh that only Tim can get him to do. And my eyes welled up with tears at the thought of never getting to hear that laugh again. Life is so short and it’s so precious and it can change in the blink of an eye. It made me thank God so much for protecting Conner, in these instances and even the ones that don’t seem so threatening, and also send up a prayer for any mother who has ever lost a child. Our time on this earth is so limited - enjoy your babies, hug them, kiss them and tell them you love them everyday. You’ll never regret that you did.

I am still hung over from a very fun yet very busy weekend, so I shall fill your day with a video Tim sent me that made me laugh until I about peed. I can totally see the hubby and some of his friends doing this while we were away at our pampering retreat this weekend. Hope your holiday was fun and relaxing!

This afternoon my husband is buying me the best Valentines day present. Technically, this will be the best V-day ever in terms of buying things, since he’s not only buying me a house, but he also bought me a brand new front loading washer and dryer! Is it sad that I’m so excited about it that I’m dreaming about it? I don’t know which I’m more excited about, having a brand new w/d, or having them on the second floor! No more trudging down into the basement - I can just walk across the hall. Builders these days - they’re geniuses!

Even tho we spent the better part of Saturday at the house and planning for the house, it really hasn’t hit me yet. And b/c it hasn’t hit me yet, nothing is packed. Part of me is very anxious and knows that once I start, all bets are off and Tim will come home from work and find a very exhausted Candace passed out on the sofa b/c I got a righteous anger about it and did it all in one day. The other part knows we aren’t moving for a few more weeks, and doesn’t want to live in a half-furnished house. Is that stupid? And honestly, I really don’t know where to start. I keep hoping I have a moment like I did when I was pregnant with Conner, where I wake up one morning and it just hits me like a ton of bricks and I think about all I have to do and then I (happily, yet hurriedly) get it done. I do think about that episode of Friends where Rachel moves out, and her parting gift to Monica is to let Monica be in charge of the packing, which Monica excitedly accepts. So friends of mine, where’s my Monica? Any hands? Now is not a time to be shy!

Another thing that has not hit me yet is having another baby. I still have a good four months to get used to the idea, but realizing that Kelly is now in her third trimester (didn’t she just tell me she was pregnant?? Where is time going!), and one of my close friends is coming up right behind her, then it will be my turn. I also remember with Conner, after the big u/s time seemed to jump into warp-speed mode and one morning I woke up with early labor pains, realizing my body was a ticking time bomb. It does help that I feel the baby all the time now - but he is still so tame compared to Conner. Conner fought from day 1 to get out of my womb and I felt every roll, every jab, every searing stab of his pointy little heels. This kid tho, I could poke and shake and irritate the snot out of him and I’ll barely get a poke back. Could it be a sign of things to come? An actual baby that is chill? I look at my friends babies who are that way and hear them talk about how fabulous it is to just hold a content baby and I think, “from your lips to God’s ears!” I love Conner and his fiery personality to death, and I realize he wouldn’t be the hilarious, spirited child he is today if it weren’t for the difficult infant he was, but oh how that would be amazing. Fast and pray for me people - FAST AND PRAY!

I don’t know if the time stamp is correct, but if it is you’ll notice this post is coming to you at 2:50 am. Pregnancy insomnia, oh how I’ve missed thee! And since my days are filled with the business of life and buying a house right now, this seems to be the only time I’ll have to post, which will be light for the coming weeks. But I can’t wait to post pictures of the house, and after 4 pm today I will certainly show the new house that God has wondrously provided for our family. Take care kiddo’s, and a Valentine’s Day card from me to you because I want to be honest with how much you mean to me.

So remember about a month ago when I was crying the blues about losing my beautiful diamond ring?

What’s that on my hand? Is it a new one? NO! It’s the same one - I found it this afternoon, randomly of course, but it couldn’t have come at a better time. I was still holding out hope that I would find it in the process of moving, but I was getting a bag out of the cupboards and I saw it and it didn’t register at first that it was the ring, but then it clicked, and I began screaming, “OHMYGOSH MY RING!” Which doesn’t sound too weird, except I was on the phone with Tim, mid-sentence on something else, so I’m sure he had to pull the receiver away from his ear a bit. I still can’t believe it. And I even had a dream about a week ago that I found it and I woke up with that just-woke-up elation, where whatever happened in the dream you really think happened, only to realize CRAP it was a dream. And as the day wore on I went into a tailspin of stress, so this was just the best thing to happen today.

Okay, a couple things worth noting:

1) High School Musical 2 premiers tonight on the Disney Channel - woot woot!

2) Tim really wants to name our next son (if there is one in our future) after our dog, Jaxon. Seriously. Tim spent all of Wednesday evening renaming Jax (as a way to make this possible), Max, and calling him that. And even before he left for work this morning, he gave a compelling argument why this is okay - Indiana Jones was named after the dog, after all. I’m scared that he’s not joking about this.

3) My brother and sister in law had their third child, a little boy named Even Joseph, this past Sunday and we’re so happy for them (except the part where her water broke and she had the baby an hour later, with no meds, which was not part of the original plan)

4) My friend Erin is turning 31 tomorrow (yay) and for her party I was asked to once again be a cupcake wench. The more I’m asked to make them, the more I think Kelly is right about us opening a shop together. Anyone interested in investing?

And thanks for the all the book recommendations. Do any of these have large print and pictures? Because that’s pretty much a requirement for when I read. Did I neglect to mention that? Just kidding. Sort of. Okay, have a great weekend!

I do not get into gadets. Like, at all. I think some things are cool and would be fun to tinker around with, but for the most part if it runs off of a battery or needs to be programmed at all I don’t care for it. I can say this with certainty, because even after I got my 60GB iPod for Christmas, it sat in the box for almost three weeks before I summoned the strength to figure out how it worked. And the only thing I can still figure to upload is music.

I don’t care about cell phones either, until this was dropped on my doorstep a week ago

Isn’t she beeeeutiful??? I never cared about cell phones, just wanted one that worked, but I love this one mainly because it’s pink. And it plays Fergilicious when Tim calls.

So that’s all. Not a lot going on here, and yet a lot is going on. I’ve recently started reading again for fun (anyone who knows me, knows this is odd b/c I don’t like to read) and finished The Nanny Diaries (for the third time) just in time for the movie to come out next weekend. I really hope they end it differently than in the book, because the ending was sad. Sad, but real. And I don’t like to live in reality when being entertained. I have some other books I want to read, but I’m looking for some suggestions on fun, light reading - anyone got any to share?

So this post is coming out of left-field, but it’s something that has really been weighing on me, which is kind of ridiculous since I don’t know any of the parties involved. But nonetheless, it’s either this or me whining about how FILTHY! NASTY! HOT! it is outside.

Okay, so Lindsay Lohan. Can I just say how much her recent behavior has saddened me. Not because I’m a fan (because I’m totally not), or any other reason except the fact that she is a young girl who is searching so hard for something she will never find. Atleast not on the path she’s crrently on. And as much as it made me sad to hear of her getting arrested shortly after leaving rehab, what is really sickening to me is the poor excuses for parent’s that she has.

I briefly remember her father getting arrested about four years ago, and if that’s not enough stress, I don’t know what is. But the more I read about her, the more I’m reading about people coming out and saying how much her parents pushed her into stardome. I can understand a parent wanting to let their kid be happy, and if performing on stage is what they want, parents will strive for that. But there is a line, isn’t there? All I keep thinking when I think of this situation (and other’s - Drew Barrymore, Britney Spears, Macaulay Culkin, Michael Jackson, just to a name a few although I really could go on) is why are their parent’s not protecting them? When did they decide it was more important to be friends with their children than to be their parents? Letting them have co-ed sleepovers at 12 and 13, letting them drink and “have a good time” (aka clubbing) before they’ve even turned 16 - what is wrong with these people?

Everytime I hear of any parent pushing their child into the lime-light, it makes my heart ache. I know there must be child actors - some of my favorite movies and sitcoms employ these young people, but when greed takes over, or the need to live vicariously through them and parents push and push their children to the breaking point, and then act all shocked and saddened when they’re asked to respond to why their child has entered rehab for the third time, it’s sickening. I can not imagine Conner being thrust into these types of situations and him feeling like it doesn’t matter what he does or how young he is, he’s on his own. And the parent’s don’t think of it this way but they are basically abandoning their children.

A friend of mine recently told me of her up-bringing and while her parents loved her, they often left her in compromising situations and she has struggled for over a decade of harboring horrible feelings towards them because she was not protected by them. And because of their own selfishness, those feelings will follow her for the rest of her life. Thankfully, nothing bad actually happened to her, but not everyone fares so well, esp. these children that are growing up in Hollywood. It just makes me so very sad.

I really could go on and on about this particular subject, but I won’t. I just rest in the fact that my children will always find rescue and protection with me. And if they ever ask if they can have a co-ed sleepover, they will always be met with a shocked face, followed by the words, “Child, you must be crazy.”